Sunday, June 28, 2015

June 26: SCOTUS, Really?!


June 26, 2008: My partner and I got married. It was during that short time in California when it was legal for gays/lesbians to wed. Less than 4 months later and two months before Prop 8 was voted in, she wanted a divorce.  It was no surprise but at the same time, I was devastated. At that moment, I began to see marriage as a huge farce.  How could it be anything else when the woman with whom I had spent 15 years could decide to leave so soon after our ceremony?

June 26, 2013:  The Supreme Court dismisses California's Prop 8.  By now, I had immersed myself into the lesbian community and friends were ecstatic with the news. They celebrated at the Capitol while I sat home wanting to scream "Don't be fooled, it doesn't mean what you think it does!" The day before, I had just met with my ex for coffee to catch up.  She told me that in a few days she would be marrying the man she'd been seeing.  Fuck!  I had just spent the past year doing intense work on getting to a place of letting go of the hurt/anger I had regarding our relationship.  It included 5 days near Mount Shasta, cleansing/fasting, and finally getting up early one morning to find a huge rock to lie on where I took off my clothes, opened myself up to the universe, silently screaming : "take away all this crap inside me!"

June 26, 2015:  Supreme Court ruled that the Constitution guarantees a right to same-sex marriage. After a grueling mountain bike ride, I came home to this news and my first reaction was: wow, the universe is still testing me.  And, as in 2013, I had just seen my ex the day before.  So as my friends went back down to the Capitol to celebrate, my thoughts on marriage were stirred up again.  The hurt/anger is gone, but in its place is a sense of sadness for the end of that relationship.  Normal, I think.  And seeing my ex this time?  I finally felt at ease and truly happy for both of us. We had fifteen years together, even without a marriage license, and if I could, I would wish that for everyone.

Oh, and if I ever get to that crazy place of wanting to get married, I already know what the date will be:  June 26.

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