June 26, 2008: My partner and I got married. It was during that short time in California when it was legal for gays/lesbians to wed. Less than 4 months later and two months before Prop 8 was voted in, she wanted a divorce. It was no surprise but at the same time, I was devastated. At that moment, I began to see marriage as a huge farce. How could it be anything else when the woman with whom I had spent 15 years could decide to leave so soon after our ceremony?
June 26, 2013: The Supreme Court dismisses California's Prop 8. By now, I had immersed myself into the lesbian community and friends were ecstatic with the news. They celebrated at the Capitol while I sat home wanting to scream "Don't be fooled, it doesn't mean what you think it does!" The day before, I had just met with my ex for coffee to catch up. She told me that in a few days she would be marrying the man she'd been seeing. Fuck! I had just spent the past year doing intense work on getting to a place of letting go of the hurt/anger I had regarding our relationship. It included 5 days near Mount Shasta, cleansing/fasting, and finally getting up early one morning to find a huge rock to lie on where I took off my clothes, opened myself up to the universe, silently screaming : "take away all this crap inside me!"
June 26, 2015: Supreme Court ruled that the Constitution guarantees a right to same-sex marriage. After a grueling mountain bike ride, I came home to this news and my first reaction was: wow, the universe is still testing me. And, as in 2013, I had just seen my ex the day before. So as my friends went back down to the Capitol to celebrate, my thoughts on marriage were stirred up again. The hurt/anger is gone, but in its place is a sense of sadness for the end of that relationship. Normal, I think. And seeing my ex this time? I finally felt at ease and truly happy for both of us. We had fifteen years together, even without a marriage license, and if I could, I would wish that for everyone.
Oh, and if I ever get to that crazy place of wanting to get married, I already know what the date will be: June 26.